The Aftermath: Halloween 1981
by Noodlez
Summary: This is kind of a partner fic to ShrugDuckie's 'Pretty Baby' Sirius's POV of Halloween 1981, PG13 for Sirius's potty-mouth. R&R please!


**Disclaimer: **These stupid things make me wallow in self-pity! I'm going to blame the fact that I don't post many stories on the fact that disclaimers make me unhappy. Smug smile Anyways, I don't own Harry Potter, he belongs to JK Rowling, and I can't seem to get her to sign him over to me!

Author's note: This songfic is a follow-up of **ShrugDuckie**'s 'Pretty Baby', so if you plan on reading this, go read that first. It's not essential to understanding this fic, but I'm advertising for her. In fact, read all her fics, she's a brilliant writer and puts my writing to shame. LEAVE A REVIEW AND MAKE HER HAPPY! And you can leave me one too…I mean, if you want to…nudge nudge wink wink The song used here is Staind's 'Reailty' (and I don't own that either…'cause it's Staind's of course…)

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The Aftermath: Halloween 1981

The lights are on but you're not home, you've drifted off somewhere alone.  
Somewhere that's safe, no questions here.  
A quiet place where you hide from your fears.

Sirius landed his motorbike noisily on the front lawn of Godric's Hollow. Immediately, his jaw slackened and his eyes glazed. The once magnificent house lay in smoldering ruins, the Dark Mark hovering ominously overhead. Sirius choked back a sob, he refused to let it loose. It wasn't true, it couldn't be real! Why cry over something that didn't happen?

'They've escaped,' he thought to himself, _'They got away, everything is alright. Please, God, let them be alright!'_

He climbed from his bike and feebly stumbled up the path to where the front door had stood. He took a deep breath before continuing, telling himself once more that everything would be fine, that James, Lily, and baby Harry had escaped in time. Climbing over bits of rubble, Sirius made his way into the sitting room of his best friends' formerly glorious home. The sob he had hindered a few moments ago tore its way out of his throat and grew to a helpless wail as he saw a body lying on the floor.

"NO!" he cried, hastening to James's side.

James's eyes were wide open, unblinking. His wand had slid away from his hand when he fell, it was lying a good three feet from him on the cold wooden floor. Sirius stared into those shocked brown eyes, tears finally escaping his own gray ones and running down his cheeks. He reached over and removed James's glasses and closed his eyes.

Sometimes when you're out of rope, the way to climb back up's unclear.  
The walls you build around yourself, I guess they also keep you here.

Sirius sat there for what seemed like an eternity. James, his best friend, his _brother_ lay dead next to him.

"It's all my fault," Sirius clenched his fist and slammed it against the floor, "What was I thinking?! Why did I make you switch? Why to _Peter_?!" Here his eyes changed from sad and remorseful to cold gray ice. He gritted his teeth, this was as much Peter's--no, he didn't deserve to be called that, he was simply, the rat, the traitor-- fault as it was his own.

Are you afraid of what they think?  
Whoever "they" happen to be.   
Or are you hiding from the scars of your own reality?

Sirius reached over and stroked James's hair. "I'm sorry, Prongs…I'm so sorry." He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and took a trembling breath, "But I won't let it rest here," he set his jaw stubbornly, "The rat will pay."

And with a last glance at James, Sirius pulled himself to his feet. He stared around, not really seeing the room he was standing in, not taking in the wreckage. His eyes fell on what resembled a crib, but had been crushed by a fallen timber from the ceiling. He closed his eyes and fell into a memory.

Sirius sat on the couch with James, arguing good-naturedly about Quidditch standings. Lily entered, carrying baby Harry.

"Here, James, I need to run out and pick up a few things. Take Harry, dear."

James sighed, trying to hide the fact that he didn't mind holding his son at all, "Oh alright. If you really must leave, I suppose I could watch the little tyke for a while." He grinned at his wife.

"Well, if you want any dinner then, yes, I really must leave." Lily smiled and planted a kiss on the end of James's nose. James held out his arms to accept his child, but Sirius interrupted.

"Er…if you don't mind, uhm…could I hold Harry?" he asked tentatively.

James blinked, but Lily smiled at Sirius, "Of course you can! He **is** your godson, after all."

Sirius smiled broadly and took baby Harry from his mother. Harry smiled toothlessly, giggling happily. Lily kissed the top of Harry's head, then kissed James goodbye and Disapparated, off on her mission for groceries. James leaned back and watched as Harry made a grab for Sirius's face.

"Woa there, kiddo, let's not start something violent here." James laughed as Sirius pulled back just before Harry grabbed his nose, "He's got quite a grip, I'd watch it if I were you! Got my ear yesterday, thought he was going to tear it right off!"

Sirius smirked and turned to Harry, cooing (A/n: AWW! C'mon, you all know you think the image of Sirius cooing at baby Harry is freakin' ADORABLE! ), "You wouldn't do that, now would you? Of course not, you don't take after James in anything but looks."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?!" James laughed.

"Just that Harry isn't going to grow up to be like you."

"Are you insinuating that I go around tearing people's limbs off?"

"More or less, yeah, I am."

James laughed and folded his arms behind his head, "And I suppose a vicious black dog wouldn't tear anyone's limbs off either?"

"Hey! I have a very sweet disposition as a dog! Lily even told me so!" Sirius feigned insult.

"Maybe you should make the change permanent then!" James replied.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and snapped playfully, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he grinned and turned to Harry, "Now don't you grow up and act like your dad. I don't know if I could take any abuse off you, too."

Sirius bounced Harry on his knee and Harry giggled.

The sound of a baby crying out tore Sirius from his reminiscing. He blinked back tears that had welled up, listening intently.

"Harry!" he cried, his mind working incredibly slowly. He didn't know if he had imagined it or not, but he still had to be sure.

He rushed out of the sitting room and headed towards the sound. He staggered into the kitchen and was almost floored by the sight of another body.

"Lily…"

Her beautiful red hair was fanned out beneath her, framing her head and shoulders like a fountain of flames, her emerald eyes wide with shock. Her mouth hung open and Sirius was struck with a vision of her as she died. Green light flashing, Lily's throat tightening in a scream. Then the fall that seemed to last an eternity. Sirius blinked and swallowed slowly, stepped over a wide crack in the tile floor, then fell to his knees at Lily's side. He gingerly reached out and touched her cheek, she was so cold…Tears streamed down Sirius's face anew as he looked at his best friend's wife. The once fiery red-head they had all loved had followed her husband in death. An image of the Dark Mark floating over Godric's Hollow flashed across Sirius's thoughts and he had to suppress a scream of fury.

So you sedate and drown in vain, you've got a pill for every day.  
A suit and tie to mask the truth.  
Its ugly head is starting to show through.

Damn Peter--the _rat_--damn him to Hell and back. Why had he sold his friends like this?! How could he have destroyed something that was so beautiful, so _perfect_?! Sirius could just see him, kneeling at Voldemort's feet, telling him where to find the Potter's. He had probably stuttered behind that Death Eater mask, he had always been such a coward. That rat must have imagined himself being glorified for delivering James, Lily and their infant son to the Dark Lord.

"That filthy lying scumbag…he won't get away with this," Sirius promised Lily, even knowing that she couldn't hear him, "Not while I still have breath in my body. No, that bastard will beg for death before I'm through with him…"

Sirius bent and kissed Lily softly on the forehead, then reached up and closed her eyes. Those beautiful green eyes, the same ones she had passed to her son…_Harry! _Sirius felt his heart shatter and his whole body grow cold. His limbs felt leaden and he suddenly couldn't breathe. He whimpered quietly, mulling over the fate that had befallen the entire Potter family. They were _his_ family, as far as Sirius was concerned, and now they were gone.

"_Even Harry…"_

And it was all because of the traitor…

"Damn you, Peter!" Sirius clenched his teeth, trying to keep from dissolving into sobs. He couldn't be weak, he had to get back at the rat for everything that had happened. "How could you do this?!"

Something to his right uttered a faint noise. Sirius's head snapped up so quickly that it hurt his neck, but he paid it no mind. Not far from Lily's body there was a scorched section of floor, in the middle of it lay a bundle of blankets. Sirius tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he crawled cautiously towards the bundle. It moved slightly, Sirius reached out and pulled the blankets aside, revealing little Harry Potter, lying on the cold floor in his footie pajamas. A gasp escaped Sirius's throat as he stared down at his godson, Harry blinking back up at him. Blinking…dead people didn't blink…which meant Harry was alive! Not only was he alive, but he seemed unharmed other than a jagged gash etched across his forehead.

"Harry! Oh thank God! Harry, you're alive!" Sirius scooped his godson up and hugged him tightly against his chest. The tears were flowing freely now, running down Sirius's face, dripping off his chin and on to the top of Harry's head. Sirius rocked back and forth, still clutching Harry to himself.

"How could that rat do this…how could he bear to even try to hurt you, Harry? I just don't understand…"

Sometimes when you're out of rope, the way to climb back up's unclear.  
The walls you build around yourself, I guess they also keep you here.

Are you afraid of what they think? Whoever "they" happen to be.   
Or are you hiding from the scars of your own reality?

But he realized that he did indeed understand. There had been signs, now that he thought about it. He mentally kicked himself for not seeing it coming, for thinking Remus was the traitor, for convincing James to switch to _Peter. _He should have realized the rat couldn't be trusted.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Sirius whispered hoarsely, "This is all my fault. Everything is my fault…" His eyes fell on Lily's prone form again and a sob wracked his entire body.

The monster you're feeding, your lack of perception.  
The things that you do to fulfill your addictions.  
The light at the end of your tunnel is closing.  
What is it that you're so afraid of exposing?  
You'd give it all up for what's theirs for the taking.  
Whatever it takes to keep your hands from shaking.  
The same things you're thinking might make you feel better.  
The same things that probably get you here.

A sound came from the front room; a crash, a muffled curse, then a shout of shock. Sirius whipped out his wand and pressed himself against the wall, still cradling Harry against his chest. Harry began crying, and whoever was in the other room heard him and approached the kitchen. Heavy footfalls sounded against the floor. Sirius tensed, his instincts telling him the intruder was just on the other side of the doorway. Sirius took a deep breath, then jumped out of hiding.

"_Expeliarmus!_" he bellowed.

Instead of a wand flying at him there came a pink umbrella. Normally, Sirius would have caught whatever he'd taken from his opponent, but he merely sidestepped and let the umbrella fly on past him. It was dark and Sirius was still partially blinded by tears, but he fired off another spell for good measure.

"_Stupefy!_"

A resounding thud echoed throughout the room and Sirius stepped though the doorway and into the front room. He looked down on his fallen opponent, ready to strike again if need be.

"Hagrid!"

Hagrid sat up and peered through the darkness at Sirius. If not for his giant blood he would have been out cold.

"What's goin' on here?!" Hagrid bellowed.

"Hagrid! It's me!" Sirius dropped to his knees next to the huge man, "It's Sirius."

Hagrid blinked and stared at Sirius, obviously willing his eyes to adjust to the dark. Once they finally had he studied Sirius skeptically for a moment, then looked to Harry who was still in Sirius's arms. Hagrid smiled slightly, then wiped at his eyes. He looked back to Sirius.

"I s'pose yeh've already seen…well…" his voice was feeble, he gestured behind himself where James's body laid.

Sirius swallowed, "Yes…and Lily's in the kitchen…" he trailed off.

"Is she…?"

Sirius nodded solemnly. Hagrid whimpered then wiped his eyes again. Harry was still crying and Sirius bounced him a bit.

"Shh, Harry, it's okay now…shh, you're safe…don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise." Sirius whispered to the crying child.

"Dumbledore's sent me ter fetch Harry and bring him to his aunt an' uncle's house." Hagrid said firmly, noticing the protective grasp Sirius had on Harry.

"What?!"

Hagrid reached out as if to take Harry, but Sirius recoiled.

"He'll be safe with 'em!" Hagrid snapped.

"He'll be safer with me!" Sirius retorted hotly, "You can't just send him off to live with those Muggles! I'll take him, I _am_ his rightful guardian."

Hagrid opened his mouth to argue but stopped short when he saw the paternal gleam in Sirius's eyes. Hagrid's expression softened.

"I know yer hurtin', Sirius. We all are now. But Harry has ter live with his aunt an' uncle, Dumbledore said--"

"I don't give a _damn_ about what Dumbledore says! Who is he to decide where Harry should go?!" Sirius shouted, turning and stalking out of the ruined house.

He stood on the front lawn panting heavily. He could distinctly hear Hagrid follow him out and step up beside him but he didn't make a move to acknowledge his presence.

"Yeh know Dumbledore's right, Sirius. He's jist always right about these sort o' things…"

Sirius wanted to ask Hagrid what 'sort o' things' he meant, but he held his tongue. Sirius sighed glumly and his shoulders sank in defeat.

"I know…" his voice sounded hollow, even to his own ears, "I just…"

Sometimes when you're out of rope, the way to climb back up's unclear.  
The walls you build around yourself, I guess they also keep you here.

Sirius felt Hagrid's huge hand land heavily on his shoulder and he looked up at the enormous man standing next to him. Hagrid's eyes were glistening with tears and Sirius knew his own were too.

Hagrid smiled sadly, "I know, Sirius, but it's fer the best."

Sirius closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded slowly. He looked down at Harry. He looked so like his father that it was painful. Sirius bent his head and kissed Harry gently atop the head before handing him over to Hagrid.

"Take my bike," Sirius managed to say, waving his hand toward it, "I won't need it anymore…"

Hagrid nodded and mounted the motorcycle, careful not to jostle Harry too severely. The engine roared to life and Hagrid kicked off the ground. He waved to Sirius, then wheeled around and took off. Sirius stood on the lawn and watched until he could no longer see the huge motorcycle in the dark sky.

"Careful, Harry, you just never know what this world is going to throw your way. I know if you grow up to anything like Lily and James you'll be ready to face anything that challenges you, but please, be careful. I don't want to lose you too…"

Sirius turned to look at Godric's Hollow once more, the Dark Mark still shone above the wreckage. Sirius set his jaw and clenched his fist, imagining the same mark gracing his ex-friend's--the traitor's--left arm.

Are you afraid of what they think?  
Whoever "they" happen to be.   
Or are you hiding from the scars of your own reality?

The monster you're feeding, your lack of perception.  
The things that you do to fulfill your addictions.  
The light at the end of your tunnel is closing.  
What is it that you're so afraid of exposing?  
You'd give it all up for what's theirs for the taking.  
Whatever it takes to keep your hands from shaking.  
The same things you're thinking might make you feel better.  
The same things that probably get you here.

"I'll find you, Wormtail, and you're going to regret everything you've done, everything you've taken, and everything you've destroyed. James and Lily didn't deserve to die, I'll see to it that you rot for this."

Sirius took a deep breath, and with one last sweeping glance at the Potter's formerly beautiful home, he stalked off, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

**A/n**: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell then…what did ya think? I know I got a bit out of control and it was pretty darn long, and that in the books Hagrid gets to Godric's Hollow first, but ya know what? It's MY fic, so I can do things MY way! crosses arms and nods sharply Please leave me a review, I love feedback!!

Oh, and I'll give a gold star to anyone who finds the quote from PoA (the movie)!! .


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